November Blog

Studies show people who are generally happy are linked to being more generous.

Studies also reveal moments of gratitude light up parts of our brain. Tara Brach refers to this as training and savoring that moment for at least 15 to 30 seconds and something will begin to change. MRI scans have shown when we practice spontaneous moments of gratitude, the neuroplasticity of our brains, develop new cells that help us connect with the world. Turning off the fight or flight and inviting us to live with a more heart felt presence.

So What Gets In The Way Of Feeling Grateful ?

The first one is stress. 

 Depending on the degree of stress, our limbic system will hijack us/cutting the present moment off.   When the limbic system is active there's a message that says something is wrong, and something needs to be fixed. One of the ways we cope when this message arises is something called substitute gratification Or false refugees. A concept first developed by freud and expanded on by other positive psychologists.  Substitute gratification isn’t bad, it’s the best we can find in that moment what we need, yet you can tell it’s a false refugee because it’s still blocking what’s underneath the reactivity. It’s also bigger than that, our false refugees cut us off from being available to give to ourselves what we really need and others. 

So what can we do ? 

provide an invitation to put down the “shoulds” such as life should be different, and gently meet what arises with quality acceptance and friendliness. A shift will take place that allows us to nurture ourselves and be more responsive to our inner and outer world. 

One of my favorite examples is from the good samaritan study. Good samaritans were preparing for a speech, and on their way to class the professors gave each student specific words that indicated how much time they had before their speech. As each student walked from preparation class to the studio, they encountered a victim in a deserted alleyway that appeared slouched, coughing and in need of assistance.(hints he was a part of the experiment) This offered the Samaritan students a chance to apply what they were about to preach. The results were 10% of the students who were in a hurry stopped to help a man, 63% of students who were not in a hurry helped the man. The study developed a theory that when people are in a rush they are less likely to help others. 

Which leads us into the second block to gratitude, consumerism 

If we gave and exchanged from a heart centered place, our economy would crash. The fact of our reality is we are conditioned to consume and produce. When we are caught up with our need to perform, produce and survive the antidote is expressing our love. We can do this anywhere, by noticing our ability to receive the inhale and let go of the exhale. When we hold in a full exhale we cut off from receiving the next moment. 

Let’s practice for a moment - take a moment to shift inward becoming mindful of your own presence. Inviting the eyes to close, or stay open. Notice if you can feel your breath, anywhere in the body, on this next inhale imagine your receiving the life that’s right here, and exhale let it go. Inhale receive exhale let go. 

There's one choice to happiness: it is to love what is.

The third block to gratitude is Relationships.

Relationships can bring up a low sense of self worth, if we are conditioned to perform or prove ourselves. When we are hooked on how we are supposed to act, it puts up a barrier to what's really happening. Especially with our loved ones, theres a need to control and change what we do not like.  If we could pause and see our ourselves and loved ones' flaws as a habit or even looking through eyes of innocence and realizing its actually ok, we can open to loving, accepting presence. It’s really about getting real, and embracing wholeness without perfection. 

Let's take a moment to practice, 

Close your eyes and bring to mind a loved one. 

Now think of one thing this person does that brings up judgment for you. 

Take a moment here and start to sense where In your body you can feel this? 

Really look at what's happening as you bring this person to mind. 

Now shift your attention to something that you really love about this person. 

Now let them both be there; sense the imperfection and where you have reactivity towards this person, and what you love about them. It’s a larger way to approach the situation by not only paying attention to one thing. 

Reflecting on the goodness of one another, allows us to begin the process of being touched by that goodness. In return we receive a real heartfelt presence that opens us to appreciate the mystery and wonder of life. 

Three Ways We Can Come Back To Full Presence For Grateful Heart 

1)love what is / partner visualization one thing that you judge about them one thing that you love about them 

2)Remember what we love / metta / send our love. We see the goodness / we see the beauty and mysteriousness of this world/gratitude reflection, a guided meditation repeating for 3 minutes “please tell me what do you love”?

 We come home when we remember what we love 

3)Expressing our love / give